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Friday, February 29, 2008

Post 100

Is it odd that I have posted more in the shortest month of the year than the other months? I know I just started, but I’m on a roll this month.

If I had been paying attention to my post numbers, I probably would have made my last post “Almost 100” in honor of The Man’s blog. In order to be accurate, I should have done the “Almost 100” blog on the 29th or 30th post. Since that’s how old The Man really is (he’s 29 now, going on 30, he’s not both ages at the same time). The Boy just tells him, “Dad you’re old. You’re almost 100.” Have I mentioned my excitement for my upcoming birthday? I can’t wait to be told that I’m almost one hundred years old. Jeez, I never knew having a kid would make me feel so old so quickly.

Anyway, for Post 100, it’s to The Boy:

Hunny Bear, I love that you still let me call you Hunny Bear. I know that won’t last forever, I fear the days are numbered actually. You still let me hug and kiss all over you when we drop you off at school, too. I will be so sad the day that you push me away. I truly cherish every single day the opportunity I have to snuggle with you in your classroom before Mommy and Daddy leave.

I worry about you, SO much. I hear that grandkids are great and I’d love to experience them (or one) one day, but at the same time, I want to warn you that you will never be the same after the birth of your first child. No matter how safe or healthy they are, you will find things to worry about anyway, especially if you take after me. I worried that you would never walk, never speak, and now you do both. I worry that you will always be picky about your food and are destined to a diet of tortillas, applesauce, and cheese throughout your adult life. Even when you sit with me and I can see that you are perfectly content, I constantly wonder what could make your life better and if you are truly as healthy as you look. Would you be happier if I got you some juice? Are the bruises on your legs a sign of anemia?

I love you, SO much. It is difficult to be a good mom sometimes because I just want you to be happy. I don’t want to tell you that you can’t eat candy all the time. I don’t want to put you on a time out for throwing the Wii remotes on the ground in frustration. I want to take you to the jungle when you say we should go to the jungle. My desire to fulfill every desire in your little heart is so strong that it is sometimes very hard, near impossible, to do the right thing.

I miss you, SO much. I am sad that I did not love every second that we spent together for the first two years of your life. I am sorry that I was so depressed and I wish I could go back and enjoy that time because now I miss it. Now that I work all day, all I want to do is stay home with you. Not that I think it wouldn’t still drive me insane, but just because I miss you when I’m at work.

I’m sad that you will soon be going into kindergarten. I told Daddy the other day that this milestone was hard for me because it really meant that there was no going back to being a baby. As if, somehow, it would have been possible for you to go back to being a baby, but kindergarten is the point of no return for a potential time warp. You will truly be a big boy and I know there will be so much fun stuff we will go through together, but I’m already having so much fun and that will be a different kind of fun but I’m not ready yet.

I love your eyelashes, they are so long. They frame your bright blue eyes beautifully. I love to watch your mouth when you talk, it makes the best shapes. Your nose is so cute, and your hair is beautifully blonde. I never expected it to stay this blonde for this long, but I’m glad it did. Your little ears are so cute and there is a freckle behind one of them. You have another freckle on one of your squishy pink cheeks. Your fingers are no longer chubby, but now long, slender, and capable of fine motor movements. Your body is so lean and you have a six pack that I could only ever dream to have.

My little man, I hope so hard that Daddy and I are raising you properly. I know that we are doing the best we know how, but I know it’s not good enough for what you deserve, which is perfection. Whatever we are doing wrong I hope that you learn from and then become a better parent to your kid(s).

Although I realize you are headed down the path of thinking you are smarter than Mommy and Daddy, you mostly still respect us, listen to us, and like to spend time with us. I love playing video games with you. They are the highlight of your life right now and it’s so much fun to see you so excited about something. You also love to use your imagination, and you are really good at it. You like music and dancing, reading, drawing, sports, and cooking. You are so talented at so many different things, it really amazes me. I’m sure every parent thinks this at some time in their child’s life, but I think you could be a prodigy in an area if we focused on it enough. I think you’re a child genius.

There aren’t enough words in the world to describe my love for you, and not enough space on the internet to write all of the things that you are doing right now. But I do love you with all of my heart and when I look at you I know that I am truly blessed.

Love, Mommy

1 comments:

Manic Organic said...

Just going back and reading you from the start. Happy Hundreth, way late. Wonderful blogs about The Boy. I wonder what our parents would have blogged about us, if blogging were a thing back then. Would be interesting. You should make the time to keep up with it. A little less texting and you may be able to work it into your schedule :). Once we have our own hot gay assistant/gate keeper, we will have plenty of time for a blog break on the job!