Monday, March 3, 2008


There was a death at our church and I wanted to write something about it before I continued writing about anything else.

It wasn’t one of these old geezers who are practically dead already – those happen all the time. No, this time it was a lady, perfectly healthy, she was 45 years old. Okay, I’m going to be that old in about 17 years, which means I’m more than half way there. It’s not old at all. And she has three kids, two in high school, one I think is in jr. high? She home schooled all of them until they get to high school. Then they go to the private high school that our church hosts. The husband was youth pastor at the church for a really long time, and now he is the discipleship pastor. She was involved in a lot of stuff with the kids, and was in general nice and unassuming.

I’m not sure I ever heard her say anything negative, and I’m being serious. I’m sure those who knew her really well could say otherwise. I was thinking about her journey through heaven and how God would judge her life and I’m thinking, what’s he going to judge? They’ll just skip that part, or go over the one thing that initially made her a sinner, since everyone does sin. But what else could there be?

It was so strange when I heard it. “SS died this morning.” What?!? Those words like don’t go together. I don’t understand. As if they were speaking a foreign language.

She died from complications of the flu. I guess the actual cause of death was dehydration. I can totally see her going about her normal life, not letting on how sick she actually was, and then it was too late.

Part of me is jealous because I would just love to leave this awful, sinful planet and be in heaven for eternity. I would never take my own life or wish that my child grow up without a mother. I’m just saying that heaven is going to be like Disneyland times a million ALL THE TIME and normal life just sucks compared to that.

I wish that I could protect her kids. I just want to grab them and hold them and shield them from all of this awfulness. I cannot even imagine what they are going through right now. And there is nothing anybody can say or do to make this better. Only time will partially heal their emotional wounds, but unfortunately I fear that this kind of pain will never completely go away.

If it’s not a close friend or a family member, I think it’s harder when people die if you are an adult. As a kid, unless it is a parent, you don’t usually have a grasp on life yet. As an adult, you realize that you are not invincible and that this could be me, they weren’t that old, what would happen if I lost my spouse, or what would happen if my spouse lost me?

On another, not completely separate, note:

The husband of another couple I know, who I’m no longer close with (the family moved to Minnesota over ten years ago) died last Monday. He was also young, maybe as old as 50 or 55? He was driving in the snow and ran into a snow plow. That’s what I heard anyway. She was mostly a stay at home mom with two girls, about 11 and 8, and worked part time as a teacher as it fit into her schedule. The fortunate news is that he was always really good with their money; their house is paid off, I seriously doubt they had any debt, and they certainly did not live beyond their means. The unfortunate news is that he let his life insurance policy lapse in December. Three months ago. And then he dies. It’s astonishing that he would do that; nobody can put their heads around it.

This lady from our church was a stay at home mom, and not to deny ANY of her efforts, I know she worked her tail off, but there will be no loss of income. However, I think life insurance could still be useful in this situation. The dad could stay home for awhile until everyone gets adjusted to the new situation. Or they could hire a housekeeper to help out around the house for awhile. It could pay for funeral costs, or therapy sessions. It’s not totally excessive. Having only one income, though, I understand the difficulty that may have on their finances. And I don’t know what their insurance situation is – maybe they do have it.

The moral of the story is that if you can afford it, life insurance is a benefit no matter what your life situation is. Think about it.

I have been through enough by now to know that God indeed has a plan and that everything happens for a reason. I have seen the reasons, sometimes immediately, and sometimes years later. But I always wish I knew the reason right away. I’m so impatient that way.


Catherine said...

You're right. 45 years old so not old. That's terrible. I'm so sorry!