Monday, April 7, 2008

Laid Off Dad

Not to steal the term “Laid Off Dad” from the official Laid Off Dad, but The Man was laid off. Yup. His 30th birthday was on Thursday and he got laid off on Friday. Happy Birthday. Nothing makes you feel older than being 30 and unemployed, eh?

I see many Mom/Wife Blogs refer to their husbands by the work they do. If I did that, The Man would be The Architect. And to be fair, the architectural economy sucks right now, ESPECIALLY where we live. Our housing situation has put our city on the map. Before this year, I bet hardly anyone heard of our city. Nobody is building houses; tract or residential. He actually did have work to do, but the company wasn’t getting paid for that work.

I’m going to go through the stages of grief as a result of this. I’m still in between the shock stage (officially called denial I guess) and the anger stage. Shocked that The Man doesn’t have a job. I thought for sure that I would be the one to be laid off. Or fired. I always think I’m getting fired. And the thing is that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. As an admin, I can work almost anywhere, in any field. As an architect, especially one who has performed residential for his entire career, his options are currently limited. So I’m shocked, or in denial, that this is happening.

Anger because I see the things that his company did and I feel like cursing at them until I die. What the *@#& you mother *@#&ing @$$holes?!? Why did you keep those *@#&ing STUPID@$$ interns around so long? You could have fired them a long time ago and kept The Man around with that money! Why did you hire a new employee in December if you hadn’t been getting paid on jobs since November? Why the *@#& did you buy BRAND NEW *@#&ing COMPUTERS for the office in January?!? I *@#&ing HATE YOU. Why did you buy lunch for everyone in the office every damn Friday? Morale? You know what builds morale – PEOPLE KEEPING THEIR JOBS. Why did you share that you spend NINETY-FIVE THOUSAND – that’s right THOUSAND - *@#&ing DOLLARS ON YOU BACK YARD?!? That could have bought groceries for our house for a *@#&ing lifetime you %!& damn prick. Why do you brag to everyone how much you pay for that son of #%$*@ “au pair” – I hope your kids are *@#&ed up for life and drain you of every damn penny your worth in therapy because you didn’t parent them yourself. And by the way – they aren’t even cute and your stories about them are stupid. You both just bought BRAND NEW *@#&ing COMPANY CARS?!? And you get them detailed every damn week?!? Your crazy bi-polar wife works here – why don’t you fire HER, damn it? SHE DOESN’T NEED THE %!& damn MONEY, WE DO! Oh, you poor rich bastards; you might have to shut down your precious company in 12 to 18 months. I hope you do. I hope you never work again and become homeless. *@#& YOU! So I’m angry.

I don’t usually do the bargaining thing. I don’t really feel like that gets me anywhere.

I’m always depressed so this just adds to it. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to go anywhere, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to sit on my behind, watch television, and eat cake ALL DAY EVERY DAY UNTIL I DIE. This just intensifies that feeling. It was nice to be distracted this weekend by the garage sale and all the moving, but the depression set in first thing this morning.

I guess I felt a small twinge of acceptance. I looked at our budget, worked some stuff out, and then I just sighed. Like, well, I guess I can’t really do anything about it, so I guess we’ll just figure something out and make it work.

Not to take anything away from what The Man is going through, I know that this is hard on him and I feel really bad for him, but he can write about that on his own blog. But this is really hard for me. I try so hard to control everything and take care of everything for our family. His only job is to make the money. And do the dishes and take out the garbage. But now I have to relinquish some control to him. I can’t look for a job for him – I e-mailed him a bunch of stuff from CareerBuilder, but I can’t make him read it. If I didn’t have a job, though, I would have complete control of my job search and all the things I did while I had time off.

Another example is that he took The Boy to a follow up doctor’s appointment this morning. Normally, I would take The Boy. So I wrote a list of questions that I had wanted to ask his doctor; and I’m like walking him through everything like he’s a child and doesn’t know how to go to the doctor. He was so patient with me and I really appreciate that because I’m sure he was thinking, “Shut up, lady. I know how to take my own kid to the doctor’s office.” But instead he realized what I was going through and let me get it out. Instead, I should be realizing what he is going through and let him be an adult instead of making him feel like less of a man by treating him like he doesn’t know what’s going on if he doesn’t have me there. So that’s the goal I guess. Instead of doing everything myself, I’m going to try to let him take over stuff so that he can show me how awesome he is. And maybe I’ll like it? Yes, I can see it now. Honey, here’s my list for the grocery store, the ticket to pick up the dry cleaning, please vacuum our bedroom, and I’d like something Mexican for dinner tonight. Kisses!


Catherine said...

I'm so sorry! Geez, what a terrible birthday present!

Depression is terrible, I know. So this is me sending you lots of prayers and positive energy. Hang in there, sweetie.