Thursday, May 1, 2008

Blockheads of Baseball

I try to stay away from current events, especially those related to pop culture because, let’s face it, the fact that Nicole Ritchie got a DUI went to prison while she was pregnant and had the baby a few months later is not going to be relevant when The Boy reads this. And even if it was, I doubt he would care about it.

However, I would like to document important things that I think might make the history books so he can read my thoughts on the topic and also remind me how old I am by incredulously asking, “You were alive when that happened? Gosh, Mom, you’re old. Was there fire back then?”

For example, I’m pretty confident that, come November, our new President with be either a woman or an African-American. Neither of those scenarios has ever happened in America. That is a pretty incredible thing to see in your lifetime.

What I am about to discuss may not make the history books, but it is something I feel strongly about.

The topic is steroids in professional baseball. Baseball is probably the sport we are most interested in at our house. Go Yankees.

Barry Bonds is an idiot. He said he never did steroids even though it was obviously a lie. Here is how everyone in the world knows that is a lie:

I rest my case. Anyone want to hire me to be their attorney? I could probably Google my way out of anything.

According to Wikipedia he is “a Major League Baseball outfielder who is currently a free agent…

Bonds currently holds the all-time Major League Baseball home run record with 762…

Bonds…was under investigation by a federal grand jury regarding his testimony in [a steroid scandal] case, and was indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges…The indictment alleges that Bonds lied while under oath about his alleged use of steroids.”

It also goes on to say that “[l]ater reports on Bonds's leaked grand-jury testimony contend that he admitted to unknowingly using [steroids].”

And “San Francisco Giants confirmed that they would not re-sign Bonds for the 2008 season.” Duh.

Finally, “Bonds stated that he would like to sign with the New York Yankees as a designated hitter.” Who wouldn’t? I don’t think they are going to sign you, loser.

It was so obvious to me from the beginning of the accusations that Barry Bonds was a sketchy guy. The photographs are enough for me to have a strong opinion on the matter, besides the fact that he’s just a punk, has an over-inflated ego, and matching attitude.

If you are AT LEAST honest about it, everyone can move on and you will at least be respected for telling the truth. Now there will always be a question synonymous with his name: Did he actually achieve these things without the assistance of a substance, or were these accomplishments realized by cheating? There is no respect for Barry Bonds and I hope he never plays baseball again.

Moving on. I thought Roger Clemens was a man who should be respected. When it came out that he “allegedly” used steroids, I did not believe it for one second. It’s not that I didn’t think he would never use enhancement drugs; more that I thought he would be honest about it if he did it. He seemed like such a family man; a faithful husband, an involved father.

Wikipedia says, “Clemens married Debra Lynn Godfrey on November 24, 1984 [23 years people]. They have four sons: Koby Aaron, Kory Allen, Kacy Austin, and Kody Alec…Koby was drafted by the Astros as a third baseman and signed on July 14, 2005, at the age of 18.

Roger pitched in an exhibition game between the Astros and his son's minor league team. In his first at-bat, Koby hit a home run off his father. In his next at-bat, Roger threw an inside pitch that almost hit Koby. Koby laughed in an interview after the game about the incident.”

See? Family guy.

I think that Roger Clemens should have been smart enough to learn from Barry Bonds’ experience – the truth will come out eventually. If he is honest now, before any kind of investigation, he can leave baseball with some dignity and move on with his life. He has no career that needs to be saved; he can go into retirement and just stay there instead of coming in and out of retirement. And not to be about going with the flow, but lots of people are admitting to having used steroids. You might as well join them.

More from Wikipedia: “Clemens has faced steroid scrutiny when it was reported that pitcher Jason Grimsley had allegedly named him, as well as Andy Pettitte, as users of performance enhancing drugs.

McNamee stated that during the 1998, 2000, and 2001 baseball seasons, he injected Clemens with Winstrol. Clemens attorney Rusty Hardin denied the claims, calling McNamee "a troubled and unreliable witness" who changed his story in an attempt to avoid criminal prosecution. He noted that Clemens has never tested positive in a steroid test.

On January 6, 2008, Clemens appeared on 60 Minutes to address the allegations. He told Mike Wallace that his longevity in baseball was due to "hard work" rather than illegal substances and denied all of McNamee's assertions that he injected Clemens with steroids, saying that they "never happened". On January 7, Clemens filed a defamation lawsuit against McNamee, claiming that the former trainer lied after being threatened with prosecution.

Clemens and his lawyers demanded a day in court, and they got it: on February 13, 2008, Clemens appeared before a Congressional committee, along with Brian McNamee, and swore under oath that he did not take steroids.”

He chose to say that he had never used performance enhancing drugs and people were forced to try to disprove that. He went to all this trouble and even SUED McNamee for defamation. That’s a pretty bold statement to be making if you are telling a lie.

I believed him. Until I heard about this:

Wikipedia (the source of all my powers): “In April of 2008, the New York Daily News reported on a possible long-term relationship between Clemens and country music star Mindy McCready that began when she was 15 years old.

Clemens' attorney…denied the affair and also stated that Clemens would be bringing a defamation suit regarding this false allegation. Clemens' attorney admitted that a relationship existed, but described McCready as a "close family friend"...McCready stated that she could not refute what had been written about their relationship, but eventually confirmed the relationship.

On May 1st, 2008, Roger Clemens was linked to Paulette Dean Daly, ex wife to Pro-Golfer John Daly, in an alleged extra-marital affair.”

And another one I just found out about (apparently hasn't made it to Wikipedia yet).

Jeez, Clemens! Not to condone cheating, but if you had just said, Yes, I took steroids, this would ALL be over and done. You may have been able to hide some of the off-the-field errors made in your life and continued living. But now your marriage is probably over, your relationship with your kids will be affected, I don’t think anyone believes anything you say about steroid use, and your family man image is definitely destroyed.

Way to go man.