Thursday, May 29, 2008

Crazy With A Capital “C”

Due to the NEXT round of layoffs, I have to deal with a person who I have never had to deal with in all my ten years of working here. I never WANTED to deal with her. Because she’s a loon. An eccentric-loopy-mad type loon who actually belong in a loony bin. But that’s just my opinion. Let’s take a look and see what you think.

First off, she doesn’t wash her hands after using the restroom. I’m sure many (disgusting) people do this, but I don’t see those people’s hand washing habits and therefore can live in denial, pretending that’s just not true. Also, if I weren’t a hand washer, if someone was in the restroom at the same time as me, I would at least rinse my hands under the water so as to APPEAR TO CONFORM to this ridiculous socially acceptable behavior that is hand washing. But she doesn’t. I flat out have NEVER seen her wash her hands. Ever. I have my theories as to why she doesn’t (see loony comment above).

She hums. Everywhere she goes. I know what you’re thinking, Oh, come on, humming isn’t that bad. What song is she humming, you naively ask, Perhaps a catchy tune from the radio? There’s no song. Just whatever is in her head. There is no song in any of the humming.

She dresses strangely. And not like the lady who works on the third floor who got off the fashion train in the fifties and is still wearing her strand of pears and dusty blue pumps every day. And not funky like my friend Jo who wears outlandish colors and trendy accessories. Keep in mind that we have a semi-professional attire guideline that most everyone adheres to. And I’m no svelte model, but this chick is overweight and hasn’t changed the way she dresses since the weight gain. At least I acknowledge my weight gain and dress appropriately and professionally. Let me try to describe HER look from head to toe:

Head: Unruly dark brown hair with a touch of red. The color is actually okay, but the hair itself looks like it hasn’t been brushed since 1981. No makeup, no hair product, no trying.
Shirt: A short sleeved, crumpled tee. With a rainbow and birds on it, maybe even a theme park logo (i.e., Six Flags 2003).
Bottoms: A pencil skirt (with the tee tucked into it). And it’s hiked up to just under her bust.
Legs: Nylons. Always nylons. Even if she is wearing jeans, tennis shoes, or sandals. Always nylons. *shivers in horror*
Feet: You get a selection: tennis shoes (yes, even with the skirt), gaudy silver or gold ballet flats, OR (my favorite) clear plastic “sandals” with a strap across the top of the foot and the base of the shoe and heel are clear also and, wait for it…THEY LIGHT UP. Like red flashing lights on little kid super hero sneakers. I AM NOT JOKING.

Her teenage daughter got an infection from getting her ear pierced and had to have surgery on it and almost lost her whole ear. Probably because her mom went to the bathroom, didn’t wash her hands, and then said, Come here, honey. Let me pierce your ear with this dirty needle I found on the ground behind the toilet.

She flies to work. In a plane, not with her arms, although if she could I’m sure she’d try it. She got her pilot’s license and bought a plane. She lives on some land somewhere fairly close and flies to the nearest airport, where she keeps her car overnight, then drives into town. She works, drives back to the airport, and flies home. I don’t know what her salary is like or what her husband does for a living, but with the price of CAR gas right now, I’m thinking that PLANE gas isn’t a much better deal, and that she probably uses more in plane gas to fly here than she would to drive in or MAYBE work from home and put us all out of our misery.

I caught her walking around the office the other day with her hands up in the air, staring at the ceiling, and humming. If that doesn’t have “if someone doesn’t put me in a straight jacket right now I’m going to jump off the roof” written all over it, I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES. I do know that she makes me feel better about myself because I figure I’m a little insane, but SHE is crazy. Actual, certifiably, crazy.

And now, she is dealing with OUR MONEY. She’s not even in accounting! She’s in sales. So she can add the number of houses sold in a community really well, but I’m thinking that adding the hundreds of thousands of dollars we collect in rent each month is going to be different. Especially since the number of houses we’ve sold in the last six months is ZERO. And I have to touch the same papers that she has touched. Knowing what I know about her bathroom habits. This does not bode well for my own hand washing habit that has died down a lot in the last year. I’m not looking forward to going through soap and lotion like they’re going out of style. Again.


Kelvin Kao said...

That is pretty crazy indeed!
But if she can fly an airplane, let's hope that there's still some method in her madness!