Monday, May 19, 2008


The Man called to follow up with the company who interviewed him last month. They originally said he would hear from them anytime between the middle of May and the beginning of June. Not wanting to appear desperate, he did not call right on the 15th of May. Wanting to appear interested and responsible, The Man followed up with the company today. I think he did the right thing to wait a few days, even though I was like CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU TALK TO THEM AND DON’T FORGET TO TELL THEM THAT WE’LL ACCEPT PAYMENT IN PENNIES IF IT MEANS YOU HAVE A JOB!!!

They informed him that he is still in the running as a candidate for the job. However, they said that the meeting with the corporate office (based in the UK) has been postponed until the middle of June.

The Good News:

1. The Boy is not going to day care, which will give us about $750 extra each month. And it will give The Boy and The Man a lot of quality video game time together.

2. I think we are going to pay off our car, which will give us $435 extra each month. And I’m told our insurance may go down if we own our car? I’ll have to look into that.

3. He still has plenty of time to collect unemployment (it lasts like a year or something).

4. We have our stimulus check to help out a little bit.

5. He can work for my dad until he gets a new job, which is flexible and has the potential to pay A LOT.

6. I’m pretty sure I can get my doctor to double my antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication.

The Bad News:

1. More time passing until he has a steady paycheck, digging into our (almost non-existent to begin with) savings, diminishing the chances that we go to Disneyland this year.

2. You’d think that by saving $1,185 a month The Man could stay home. But he can’t. We would have to cut out both cell phones, all cable and internet, therapy, life insurance, send The Boy to public school, and finish paying off some debt we have. As luxurious as those things sound, it is currently not an option to give up any of them. Maybe as we get more desperate our perspective will change.

3. When The Man has to go on appointments while working for my dad, the only option is for my in-laws to watch The Boy, which is going to require a LEAP OF FAITH on my part. And perhaps tripling the previously mentioned medication (see Item #6 above).

The Man says he is still looking for a job. The more time that passes, the more I am discouraged by the fact that there are just no jobs out there right now.

Last year around this time, I started looking for work in the Bay Area. Without even trying, I can pretty much double my income by working over there. Everyone (aka my parents) told me, Oh the commute sucks, you’ll get tired of it, don’t do it. I went on a couple of interviews, was offered one job, but turned it down because I didn’t feel any chemistry with the company.

When we decided where we were going to send The Boy to kindergarten, I liked that it was right down the street from my office. I knew that this would be a big transition in our lives (read: *sniff* my life *tears*), and I wanted to be close by for the transition. So I stopped looking for a new job.

Now that The Man is not working, I wonder if I should start looking for another job again. If I made as much as I see being offered on job web sites, The Man wouldn’t have to work, The Boy could go to the private school we want to send him to. The Man could be at home with him in the afternoon, and he would be close by if The Boy needed anything. I just wonder; at what expense? To be gone for fifteen hours a day instead of the ten hours that I’m already away from him? To be far away – what if something terrible happens? To miss special activities because I work so far away? But The Man could be there. I don’t know.

Then there is the option of working for my dad. I’m not going to write out loud or say out loud what his expectations are. Let’s just say that he is VERY optimistic about our future, and I could potentially start working for him in the middle of July. Right now though, that doesn’t seem like weeks away; it feels like DECADES away.

Our pastor gave a message at church on Sunday and what I got from it was that we need to trust God. Do you think He’s trying to tell me something? Maybe I should listen. Because I hear He’ll get through to you one way or another. But I don’t know how to make my heart trust someone else 100%. My brain doesn’t work like that, I think understandably so. Especially Someone I have never seen. My brain tries to tell my heart, Okay, we’re going to trust Him. It’s okay. It’s in His hands. Then my heart feels like an exposed, gaping wound, so I immediately shut it back up because I don’t want it to get hurt. It is safe behind my protective barrier, where I only let in what I know it can take.

I want to know all of the answers RIGHT NOW. Even if they aren’t going to happen right now, I want to know what will happen. That would make my decision making process so much easier.