Monday, August 11, 2008

My Brain On Me

I always figured everyone thought the same way I do. I recently discovered that is not the case. Which actually makes sense, but ya know, I'm all self centered 'n' stuff.

I hear that some people think in colors, others in images, maybe in numbers, and I'm sure a million other ways. I think in thoughts and words. After a big day of typing, I see my hands typing all my thoughts as they go through my head. On most days, and bear with me while I sound crazy, I think voices.

Just one voice actually. Mine. But it's everywhere. I'm thinking laundry, work from today, dinner, work for tomorrow, typing a blog, playing with The Boy, cleaning the bathroom, petting the cat, scratching that itch, what to wear, what we're doing this weekend, replying to that one e-mail, listening to music, watching television, reading a book, remember that one time when this happened, BLAH BLAH BLAH. It never shuts up and it all happens together in one milli-second. It's a lot to take in all at once. I mostly get used to it since it's been that way all of my life. It's hard though because I feel like I am unable to totally focus on ONE thing. And that makes me sad that nobody in my life will ever receive my undivided attention.

It's also hard because it makes falling asleep very difficult some nights. Some nights I'm just so exhausted that I fall asleep right away. Other nights I cannot stop my brain. It is always going. Trying to stop thinking only makes it worse. My therapist tells me to just let the thoughts flow in the hopes that they will eventually go away. I guess it works, like thinking yourself to sleep. I wish I had the ability to turn it off. Just turn off my brain. I wonder what that would be like. No thoughts. Just quiet. And stillness.

I wonder how The Boy will think? I think it's like me because he is always talking non-stop. I think it's hard for his brain to shut down also. How do you think?


Kelvin Kao said...

Hm, that is interesting. I can't figure out how my brain works though. Maybe it just works in some abstract way.

tinycandi said...

I am the same way! I always have my voice in my head. When I'm typing words, I'm reading them in my head.
Something else crazy that I do...I read lips when people are speaking to me. I have had to do that for years because I can't understand what people are saying otherwise. But the strange that even when I'm listening to the radio I can see lips moving and enunciating the words. It's very weird, I know.

I randomly found your blog when browsing through mommy blogs. Also, I tagged you in my recent blog post. :) Hope you don't mind!

Burgh Baby said...

I think in words, too, but my words don't have a voice. Weird!

I'm pretty sure my Toddler also thinks in words. You know, on the extremely rare occasions when she isn't busy blabbering out loud.