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Monday, July 28, 2008

THE LAST WORD

A few years ago, The Boy said "'Member when Mommy crashed at Wal-Mart?" My jaw dropped. I have never IN MY LIFE crashed at Wal-Mart. I have crashed a lot of other places, but never Wal-Mart. Not that there is anything wrong crashing at Wal-Mart.

When The Boy said that, The Man looked over at me like What have YOU been hiding?

I denied everything. It NEVER happened. I swear! And I was being totally honest. I have no idea what that liar kid was talking about.

The Boy thought my reaction was SO funny that every so often he would say it again. For like two years. I think The Man really started to believe him!

Finally, I asked The Boy he had to stop saying it because I didn't remember it and I didn't want Daddy to think I was lying. So I wasn't saying either person was right or wrong - I just asked him to stop saying it. I probably had peace for about two months.

Then yesterday The Man was driving somewhere with The Boy and he starts talking about it AGAIN.

The Man: "I don't think Mommy likes you talking about that dude."
The Boy, dead serious: "But Dad. It really happened."
The Man: "Can you tell me what happened?"
The Boy: "We were driving to Wal-Mart and the light turned red but Mommy didn't stop in time and she crashed into the car in front of us and nobody got hurt and nobody's car got broken and then we went to Wal-Mart. And on your date tonight, you tell Mommy I said that and she's going to be like NO WAY and you can tell her Yes, I'm serious, don't you remember? And she'll remember."

He told me all this on our date, and I don't remember. But I'm so sick of hearing about it that I told The Man that we'd tell him I remembered so he would finally stop talking about it but that I'd blog about it so that when he reads this in ten years, he would know what I really think.

And that my friends is called THE LAST WORD.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Obligatory Apple Post

I have new stuff.

The Man and The Boy stood in line for EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS at the Apple store to purchase the iPhone for me on the day the new iPhones came out.

I did not ask for this. He was going to stand in line with Salty and Mrs. Kitty because THEY were buying a new iPhone. I thought it would really be a waste of time to do that and not go ahead and get me an iPhone. Since he was there anyway. And I was due for an upgrade. So it was really all about timing.

Anyway, I knew in my heart that it would take all day to do this. The Man, The King of Knowledge, did not have the same feeling in his heart. He thought he would get to the store and MAYBE wait two or three hours. Tops. Okay, if you're sure, I'll let you take The Boy and you guys can go have fun, whatever, good luck!

He was like TWELVE HUNDREDTH in line. TWELVE HUNDRED.

Here is my new iPhone, which I am IN LOVE WITH.



And here is my our new iMac, which Salty GAVE TO US. I LOVE SALTY.



Thank you SO much Hunny Bear for waiting in line for what must have felt like a million hours to you. According to The Man, you were the BEST boy and I can't believe you did that. You are so sweet.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I'm Not Dead

I swear. I'm still here. I am just disturbingly busy and when I have time to relax, putting energy into creative writing is not the first thing on my mind.

I have wondered before when I come across old blogs if the people just gave up or if something happened to them. Did they not put blogging as a priority any more? Or did they get in a car accident and loose all use of their fingers and they can no longer type? I really do wonder.

If I die, I have put in My Last Will And Testament that a death entry be written in my blog. As of right now, it will be The Man's choice of wording, but eventually I'll write a death blog to include in My Last Will And Testament.

It's the right thing to do.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Nickles

The Boy used to say "nickles" instead of "nipples." Which gives a whole new meaning to the phrase If I had a nickle for every time I...

Anyway, he and I were cuddling with Kansas and he saw one of her tiny pink nipples poking through her soft white fur. He said, "What's that?" And then this happened:

Me: "That is her nipple."
The Boy, looking at me skeptically: "Are you serious?"
Me: "Yes. She has six of them."
The Boy, totally freaking out: "WHAT?!?"

So I explain to him how people usually only have one baby at a time so they don't need as many nipples as kitties do. Kitties can have four or six babies at time, so they need more nipples.

*****

The next day, The Man and The Boy are doing whatever and The Boy says, "Did you know that Kansas has eight nipples?" The Man was unaware of the previous conversation and was shocked by this seemingly out of left field comment. But he said yes, he did know that. The Boy says it's so she can have eight babies and The Man agrees.

Then The Boy says "If she had sixty nipples she could have sixty babies."

*****

Driving home from my parent's house last night, we are all in the car and The Man asks me, "Did you tell The Boy something about Kansas' nipples?"

I chuckled and said yes. I wanted to hear what was behind this question. So he told me the above story and I giggled at the hilarity of it all.

And the The Boy shrieks from the back seat, "LET'S TALK ABOUT NIPPLES!!!"

He asks me what nipples are for. And I wondered why he accepted my explanation of number of babies versus number of nipples if he doesn't know what nipples are for.

Because if there is no correlation in his mind, I might as well have told him that Kansas needs more nipples than people because cats don't eat broccoli. Or some other nonsensical response.

We told him about the purpose of nipples and gave examples he could visualize (i.e., a cow). And he said, "Well, the milk I drink doesn't comes from a cow." Because he drinks lactose free milk. So he thinks it doesn't come from a cow. THERE'S a trick.

By that time we were arriving home and I asked him to please stop shouting nipples until we got into the house because it's really only a word we use with our own family and not with anyone else.

Oh and also; the ENTIRE INTERNET.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Coloring Conversation

While coloring today.

The Boy: "Whatcha drawin' Dad?"
The Man: "A waterfall"
The Boy: "Wow. That's expressive."

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My Friend R

I received an e-mail from my friend R this week. Her cousin was diagnosed with acute leukemia out of nowhere. She went to the doctor because she had a severe headache and was weak. She thought she had a sinus infection.

She is getting treatment at Stanford. She is only 35 years old, a mother of two totally adorable little girls and she was super healthy. She worked out three to four days a week and watched her diet. It just goes to show u that cancer can happen to anyone. ANYONE.

And that kind of puts the whole job thing into perspective. For me. The Man - probably not so much.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

No Work For The Man

We heard about THE JOB today. Can you guess what happened? Um, yeah, he didn't get it. What the FRENCH, TOAST? There were two positions available and only three applicants, or at least that is what they said. And from what The Man said of the two other applicants he saw, they gave the jobs to a really fat guy, and some kid who looks like he just received a degree in Drum Geeks from Pimple University.

The worst part for me is that I could just see the disappointment all over his face. AND I CAN'T MAKE IT GO AWAY. Hugs, kisses, reassuring, more hugs, speaking poorly of the company, more kisses, acting seriously goofy, NOTHING. He is still disappointed.

And I am really bummed.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

SCORE

I found Skittles (in their bag) in my purse that The Boy didn't finish at the movies the other night. It's the little things.

Feet, They Have Served Me Well

The Man hates feet. So no foot massages for me (poor me). He once told someone that although he hated feet, they had served him well.

I thought it was strange that he hated feet so much. As it turns out, he's not the only one (Darling, you should NOT read this post. Trust me.).

Testing Whether Or Not You Are A Robot

If your heart doesn't melt when you watch this, then you are dead inside.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Post 300

My darling boy. I do love you so much. I'm sure you're sick of hearing it. I just spent the last four days with you without Daddy. I loved every second of it. You were so good. It was like a dream. And I miss you so much today. I can hardly believe how much I miss you right now.

I love seeing your compassion for things. You really have a tender heart and I hope your father and I nurture that characteristic so that will always be so. We recently got a kitten and my heart just melts whenever I see you care for her tenderly. When we first brought her home, the way you pet her was a little awkward because you were not used to handling such a small, fragile life. But now you are fine with her. You know how to play with her and pet her gently. Of course you are still a boy and you chase her and yell at her "NO Kansas!" when she appears to just be sitting there, but she's actually doing something you don't like (like sitting there? I'm not sure). But you kiss her good night and say good bye to her when we leave the house. And you told me you love her more than Mommy and Daddy. Which didn't even hurt my feelings because I just love that we raised you to have the capability to love something so much.

This will be a story that I have no doubt will embarrass you sometime in the all to near future. But I'm going to tell the story anyway. You love Build-A-Bear. That's not so bad in and of itself. After all, you are five. But this is the latest Build-A-Bear friend you picked out, complete with a pink dress and pink shoes. To be fair, you liked the shoes because they are Sketchers like yours (although your Sketchers are NOT pink). I think it's awesome that you don't care what color something is - if you like it, you like it. And you say that now you have three Build-A-Bear friends who are boys and one that is a girl. That's how simple it is to you.

As another example of how simple life is for you: we helped our friends unpack their moving truck last night. Salty showed you a giant Lego Star Wars box and said if you were good that he would let you help him put it together. The five adults knew that meant AT ANOTHER POINT IN TIME, since the thing has like a million pieces to it. So none of us thought to mention to you that we wouldn't be putting it together that night. (Also especially considering that four out of the five adults had been awake for like 36 hours). But when we were done unloading the truck, in a house full of boxes, you asked if you were a good boy and when I said Of course! you thought that meant we could put the Lego set together. It broke my heart to tell you that we couldn't do it and then watch you melt down.

Your imagination is starting to take off. I hear you talking to yourself, to your "friends" (stuffed animals), to Kansas, to your toys. I love it. I pretend not to notice because if you see me watching you, you will stop. But I'm listening.

I am sad about Kindergarten. I'm sad that Daddy won't be your main caretaker anymore. I'm sad that you are no longer a baby. Even though you insist you are a Big Boy, which you are, you are still just a tiny person to me and I want you to be my baby forever. I hope that we don't require too much of you. I can only imagine that since you are an only child and you spend most of your time with adults that you will grow up too fast. It is my heart's desire for you to enjoy your childhood to the fullest extent possible.

You still let me shower you with hugs and kisses and cuddle with me, but I see you changing in other ways that let me know you are growing up. You don't like to just hold my hand anymore. You associate it with crossing the street, so you will only hold my hand to cross the street and then squirm your little hand out of my grip the second we step on the sidewalk and say, "Mommy I don't have to hold your hand now because we aren't in the street." You are right, and I let go, but I still want to hold your hand. I like it.

I wish I could say a million more things so that you would know how much I love you in this very moment in time. My heart just aches from almost bursting.

In Which I Crawl On My Hands And Knees Begging For Caffeine

Hi, my name is RubiaLala and I am addicted to caffeine.

I really am. Apparently some people are more likely to get addicted to stuff than others because The Man can take or leave whatever and never gets addicted and I'm like a freaking basket case if I don't have coffee every morning by 8:30. Or if I take Tylenol PM at night for two nights in a row and then not on the third night, I'm like a crack addict in rehab, complete with vomiting and angry outbursts.

So my dad used the last of the coffee at the office yesterday AND DIDN'T TELL ME. I got here this morning and HAD NO COFFEE. I literally started crying. I'm dead serious. It is the worst thing that has happened to me since I started working here
(I know, boo hoo). I immediately started shaking and feeling light headed. I crawled over to the phone and called The Man and in a barely audible voice I requested that he come back to the office, where he had just dropped me off, and pretty please bring me some unused coffee grounds so that I could live through the day.

Earlier today The Man said he felt like we didn't need him because The Boy and I had so much fun while he was gone on his trip and to that I say YOU PROVED THAT YOU ARE AN INVALUABLE PART OF OUR FAMILY TODAY WHEN YOU BROUGHT ME COFFEE. For that alone I will love you forever. And also thanks for having The Boy with me.

Quiche

I made this quiche for dinner when a friend brought her kids over and it was a mini girls night while the boys played video games. I basically pulled this quiche OUT OF MY A$$, which doesn't sound very good. But it was. I decided which ingredients to use and then I just looked up how many eggs I should use and the temperature and time I should cook it. It was DELICIOUS.



I used cooked spinach, sliced ham, mushrooms, and grueye cheese. My new favorite cheese.

I served it with a salad - raw spinach, strawberries, sliced almonds, and balsamic vinegar and olive oil for the dressing. It was all very yummy.

When I told The Man what I was doing, he said, "Wow, you're taking your friendship with M to the next level, huh?" Because I normally don't cook new things for people I like. Because I want them to keep liking me.