Thursday, June 11, 2009

Panic in the Produce Aisle

A few weeks ago I thought it would be a good idea to stop taking my medication. Why? I don't know. Apparently, the voices in my head decide stuff and I have no control over their decisions. It's a democracy up there. Anyway, I've mentioned before, but a recap of the purpose of the meds is that they cover quite a slew of maladies (i.e., depression, OCD, anxiety, etc.).

About three weeks in, I'm due for a panic attack. And where else shall I have one, but the grocery store? Of course I'm there with The Boy by myself.

Suddenly, and I will spare all of us the gory details, mostly because I don't want to think about it and as I type this I can feel myself being unable to breath and starting to itch, I start to FREAK OUT. Right there, next to the bagged lettuce and baby carrots. I got really light-headed, due in part to the not breathing well. I got extremely irritated, and had to bite my tongue to control the words coming out of my mouth so that I did not snap at The Boy for never pausing to breath in between paragraphs. I can handle the inescapable noise that occurs in the grocery store, but The Boy's words are loud and clear, he expects a response, a normal human response, not someone biting his head off for no reason. I can't remember a word the poor kid said, but I did not snap at him (yay me!).

We get home and I unload the groceries after I set The Boy up in front of the TV (I know it's not the best option, what were my other choices at the time, really?), and then I proceed to wash my hands and face in scalding hot water an odd number of times until my hands are cracked and stinging. I finally felt clean, the itch faded away, and the irritation melted. Sigh of relief. All better.

I immediately call in a refill for my prescription.

A couple of weeks later, I have been on my medication for about a week. We are all at the grocery store, but The Man and The Boy are playing in the toy aisles while I shop. I enter the produce area. And AGAIN, I cannot breathe and I feel itchy everywhere. I call The Man. No answer. I text him. No response. I call him two more time. Nothing. I push the cart out of the produce aisle and feel like that helps a little bit. Finally, The Man comes around the corner. Of course I do not control myself and I flip out, telling him he never answers his phone when I call, and where was he when I needed him?!? Of course he had no idea this would happen. Really, I don't know why he willingly chooses to stay married to me. I swear, he is not a hostage, he is here of his own free will.

I am recapping all of this for My Person one night and she says it's just a "thing" now in my brain, and we need to erase the bad memories and replace them with a good memory. So she and I head over to Raley's and go to the produce section. I show her the stuff that bothered me and she shows me non-creepy produce. I don't need anything, but she decides she needs blueberries and garlic. I proudly carry her produce to the checkout counter, a successful transaction is made, and we leave with the produce. The entire time, we are laughing hysterically at how preposterous it is to have to do this at all. But that is exactly what I needed.

I am happy to say that I can now purchase produce on my own.


Wine and Words said...

So glad you and produce are once again friends. They felt snubbed for a time and undeserving of the creepiness factor, but after I spent some time explaining YOU, in all your wacky glory, all is forgiven.

Kelvin Kao said...

Every single time you share these stories I am impressed by your Person's insights!