Friday, June 12, 2009

I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.

The Boy dearly misses Kansas. It's so sad, he was writing about her in his schoolwork and everything. Oh, the pain in my heart!

I finally convinced The Man to consider adopting another cat. The condition being that I get to pick the cat this time. Because his cats are crazy, and mine are chill.

Introducing Baby. Or, to use the full name The Boy has granted, Baby Diamond [Our Last Name]. She is the best cat ever. Three years old, totally calm and cuddly, and she doesn't have a fetish for electrocution.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Turns out that bacon is the devil.

I once expressed my love for crows once, but I have now seen the truth. Bacon is trying to take over the world. Here is my proof:

Bacon Chapstick
Bacon Chocolate
Bacon Vodka

Panic in the Produce Aisle

A few weeks ago I thought it would be a good idea to stop taking my medication. Why? I don't know. Apparently, the voices in my head decide stuff and I have no control over their decisions. It's a democracy up there. Anyway, I've mentioned before, but a recap of the purpose of the meds is that they cover quite a slew of maladies (i.e., depression, OCD, anxiety, etc.).

About three weeks in, I'm due for a panic attack. And where else shall I have one, but the grocery store? Of course I'm there with The Boy by myself.

Suddenly, and I will spare all of us the gory details, mostly because I don't want to think about it and as I type this I can feel myself being unable to breath and starting to itch, I start to FREAK OUT. Right there, next to the bagged lettuce and baby carrots. I got really light-headed, due in part to the not breathing well. I got extremely irritated, and had to bite my tongue to control the words coming out of my mouth so that I did not snap at The Boy for never pausing to breath in between paragraphs. I can handle the inescapable noise that occurs in the grocery store, but The Boy's words are loud and clear, he expects a response, a normal human response, not someone biting his head off for no reason. I can't remember a word the poor kid said, but I did not snap at him (yay me!).

We get home and I unload the groceries after I set The Boy up in front of the TV (I know it's not the best option, what were my other choices at the time, really?), and then I proceed to wash my hands and face in scalding hot water an odd number of times until my hands are cracked and stinging. I finally felt clean, the itch faded away, and the irritation melted. Sigh of relief. All better.

I immediately call in a refill for my prescription.

A couple of weeks later, I have been on my medication for about a week. We are all at the grocery store, but The Man and The Boy are playing in the toy aisles while I shop. I enter the produce area. And AGAIN, I cannot breathe and I feel itchy everywhere. I call The Man. No answer. I text him. No response. I call him two more time. Nothing. I push the cart out of the produce aisle and feel like that helps a little bit. Finally, The Man comes around the corner. Of course I do not control myself and I flip out, telling him he never answers his phone when I call, and where was he when I needed him?!? Of course he had no idea this would happen. Really, I don't know why he willingly chooses to stay married to me. I swear, he is not a hostage, he is here of his own free will.

I am recapping all of this for My Person one night and she says it's just a "thing" now in my brain, and we need to erase the bad memories and replace them with a good memory. So she and I head over to Raley's and go to the produce section. I show her the stuff that bothered me and she shows me non-creepy produce. I don't need anything, but she decides she needs blueberries and garlic. I proudly carry her produce to the checkout counter, a successful transaction is made, and we leave with the produce. The entire time, we are laughing hysterically at how preposterous it is to have to do this at all. But that is exactly what I needed.

I am happy to say that I can now purchase produce on my own.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The man who expects nothing shall never be disappointed.

Following is the main course of insanity that I was served along with this lunacy appetizer. Save room for the marvelous madness dessert that is sure to come.

All of that stuff happened on Monday and Tuesday last week, which brings us to last Wednesday. I couldn't get an appointment with the therapist until Monday of this week.

At the end of the day on Wednesday, my dad calls me into the conference room. He asks if I've done the assignment, I say yes. He asks if I feel I've been completely honest, I say yes. Then I said, before we go over it...he interrupts me.

"I never planned on looking at it." He says.

"Oh. Well yesterday you said to be honest and not to fluff it up because you were going to be looking at it. And you said we would be meeting today to go over it." Is my reply.

" was never my intention to look at it." Um, okay?

"Okay. Anyway," I start again, "Before we go any further, I have to tell you that The Man does not agree with this exercise, he feels that you have stepped over a boundary, and I don't know what to think. So we're going to see our therapist on Monday to talk about it."

Pause here. My parents are always saying that I am not submissive enough to my husband. The Man and I do not agree with my parents' model of marriage and he and I are both okay with our relationship. Again, it's not really any of their business. But because of this thinking of theirs, I really thought my dad would be proud of me for at least giving consideration to something The Man said. Not so much.

"WELL," he glares at me and starts this head swagger like an overly dramatic diva who has just been denied access into a swanky club and with this nasty tone, he spits out, "There are things that, not just you, but other people, do that affect your mother and I and that crosses boundaries, and I need to address those! And you can tell your therapist..."

Pause again. Okay, if that's how you feel, fine. But address the issues with the people WHEN they arise! Don't let it fester until you explode over some random thing. And looking back over the last year of working for you, I can see nothing that I have done to rock the boat. I have worked my ass off for you and your company, being the circle peg instead of the square peg. Taking no vacation days, no sick days, etc. It's not my fault that you choose to ignore problems and then fly off the handle. Take out your frustration with the proper people at the time the concern transpires. Including me, because now I feel totally in the dark about anything I may have done to agitate you.

It's my turn to interrupt. "Hey," I declare, firm but calm, "You don't need to speak to me this way. I am merely relaying a message from my husband and getting an unbiased third party opinion."

"Fine. I think we're done here." The response is cold.

"Okay." I get up and go back to my office and go back to work.

Wednesday work day was almost over. Oh yeah, my brother came into the office for an entire half day on Wednesday. Apparently he couldn't drag himself back to the office after lunch. On Thursday and Friday, my brother and my dad are both out of the office. My brother is "sick" again, and I am assuming my dad was avoiding me. We had school functions for The Boy on Thursday and Friday that my dad was planning to attend. Of course he did not, but I was thankful. I did not want it to be awkward. My mom came to one of the events that I have a side story about, I'll tell you later. And no worries about awkwardness with my mom; denial and ignoring stuff are her super powers.

The therapy appointment on Monday. I am nervous. My Person asks why, what is the worst that could happen. I said I'm afraid he is going to tell me it is unhealthy for me to continue working in this environment. She says it probably is unhealthy, but even if he does say that, it is just information, and I don't have to do anything with the information until I'm ready. I feel better.

I recap what has happened and I would say he was surprised. But he says my expectations of my dad are unsuitable for the reality of the situation. My expectation is that my dad is going to run the office like a professional. My expectation SHOULD be what is actually true, which is that he runs the office like the patriarch of some cult, like a crazy person. He is using his emotions to lead his actions, which is ironic because my dad speaks against that exact thing, as though it were some sort of incurable, life threatening disease, and here he is doing it. He tells me they were totally planning on looking at the chart, and that handing it over to them (which I did not) would have been like handing someone bullets they were going to use to shoot me. We discuss how to have proper expectations moving forward. We discuss how to handle this current situation, which is to do what my parents model and ignore. Pretend that it never happened. IF they chose to bring it up again, I say, thank you for the assignment, I will be holding on to it, and I hope we can move on from this. At which time he is sure that everyone involved will continue on as though nothing every happened. That's also what The Man said, btw. He's so smart.

I ask if it is in fact harmful for me to continue working there. He says as long as I have the correct expectations, that it's not damaging. I need to weigh out the positives against the negatives, decide if it's worth it, and just be aware of reality. Don't settle into a false sense of security. I can handle that.

SO, both my brother and my dad are out of the office again on Monday. It is so laughable at this point. My brother has some two hundred clients on his account and they are totally aware of what is going on at this point. "Does he really work there?" and people getting frustrated with his absence are some of the things we have to deal with while he is AWOL.

My brother came into the office on Tuesday, and was in some kind of mood. None of us understood. Dude, you haven't worked a full day in over a week, what's with the mood?!? And do I have to say it? He was out of the office today, too.

My dad was in the office on Tuesday and today.

And guess what? Not a word.

I swear we do educational things with him during summer break.

Ahhh, the joys of spending part of your summer vacation at Mom and Dad's office.